Day 26

Today has been a most eventful day and we never had to leave the apartment.  Rafal had work today, a big day of two jobs which is always a plus... I worked out and did Day 8: Cardio Power & Resistance, it felt so good, but at the same time it was the first day since I started that half way through I started doubting myself.  I have to get rid of the doubt.

I am strong.  I am talented.  I am persistent.  I can do this.

I struggled through it, but finished and actually I feel like I did a LOT more this time than on Day 3 when I did the same workout.  The butt kicks were higher, the knee kicks were higher, but I still have not gotten the needed muscles for the traveling pushups.  Time will tell and the muscles will grow.  This is a truly neat program though, doing the same things days apart shows me how much it really is working.  Before Dylan (BD) I was pretty athletic not to mention a habit of mine was constantly sucking it, aka tightening my core.  I was constantly doing that, to the point where my doctor yelled at me when I was 5months pregnant.  The gyno said, you are going to hurt your son if you don't relax your stomach muscles.  It was so drilled in to my subconscious that I had no idea I was even doing it.  So it took some time for me to "let go" and stop holding on to that skinny me.  Here I am 3.5 years later, and I had forgotten how to suck in my core, seriously, I know this may sound silly especially to some one who hasn't given birth.  But truly, I think and I KNOW that those stomach muscles had lost their ability.  In the past week I have been able to revert into my ways of keeping my core tight and man oh man am I impressed.  It will probably take another week before its second nature again, but I notice it allllll the time now and then I tighten and feel great!  I can feel all of my muscles coming together and working hard to achieve a healthier new Sara :)

I wrote my memoirs today, about my car accident from 2003.  I am not sure if I want to post it online or not though.  I changed names and a few details but I am just not sure if it's something I am OK with sharing yet.  It was and still is an iffy situation in my heart.

Rafal and Rob are cleaning out the storage units right now, finishing up sweeping them out.  They should be home soon.

I baked bread today, 4 tiny little loaves so that Rafal can take one to work with him tomorrow and the nest day, if he doesn't eat them all tonight :)

My new phone came in the mail today at my mom's house, so I hope to go pick it up tomorrow.  Part of me truly enjoys not having a phone, no one can contact me! haha  The important people have my email and we correspond via GMail and that is good enough for me.  Not to mention Facebook :)

Tonight Dylan and I encountered a *spirit* of some kind.  We were both sitting at the computer talking about school when a little windup music box in the kitchen started playing its music.  It didn't play for 5 or 10 seconds but for an entire minute.  Dylan was saying "Daddy is that you?", but daddy was at work.  I felt like it was a grandma, maybe shes a grandmother to a family in our building and was just stopping through?  It was a nice pleasant cheery feeling that I got from the presence we both felt.  Odd at the same time though that she chose the music box that she did.  We have others throughout our home, but this one doesn't have a turn knob on the bottom, its missing, so we've never heard it play.  Dylan and I just smiled and I told him to say thank you to whoever it was for blessing us with the opportunity to listen to the music.  I am a crazy hippie I know!  :)